So I was released from the hospital on Friday. I sat there for the rest of Monday and Tuesday and then Wednesday became the day of hell, aka colonoscopy prep. I don't understand why they haven't created an easier going, better tasting method. It tastes like lemon, ocean water, and dissolved chalk. I had to drink two pitchers of it, one Wednesday evening and one Thursday morning. More specifically, 4 in the morning on Thursday. My procedures, for I am getting not just a colonoscopy but also an upper GI endoscopy where they enter from the mouth to look at the esophagus and stomach, are scheduled for "morning". When in the morning? Who knows! 
          Finally at 11 am, a transporter comes and wheels my bed into the hallway to attach to a machine that will help him transport me to the operating room. After a few minutes of fiddling around, it becomes clear that my bed will not support the machine. He calls someone up and tells them it will need to be pushed manually which requires two people. Never mind that there are, like, 5 other empty beds in the three closest rooms that I could switch to. So now I have to wait for two people to be free, which takes another 20 minutes.
          I'm brought to a prep room where I strip down and wait for what feels like an hour. I'm wheeled into the operating room, anesthesia is administered, and I don't know anything more until a little after 2 pm when I wake up while spitting up as a nurse removes my breathing tube. She uses some kind of suction tube to help clear out my spit up. Apparently this happens a lot, especially if you've had an upper GI endoscopy. I keep coughing and more phlegm is coming up. I can barely talk but that doesn't stop me, in my drugged state, of asking for the suction tube so I can play with - I mean, clean up after myself.
          After she gives me that, she does an evaluation of me. The French, especially those in the medical field, have this annoying habit of saying "Oop" whenever they do something or touch you. When you're not used to it, it gets real annoying real fast. I wish I had kept a count of how many times a day I heard it, because it was probably at least 20. Usually, I just smile and ignore it but apparently in my drugged state I am less tolerant. Every time she "Oop"ed, I "Oop"ed too. In between "Oop"ing, I pointed to random things in the room and asked how to say them in French. She answers me the first couple times but once she is done her evaluation, the last bit of which was mysteriously "Oop" free, she leaves and I am ignored. I eventually dropped the suction tube and my poor brain couldn't grasp the concept that I just needed to tell my hand to grab it, so I just sat there and whimpered at my loss.
          Eventually someone else post-procedure got wheeled in. I waved, even though she was unconscious, and the nurse promptly set a curtain barrier between us. But this let me see who was originally behind the curtain so I waved at him instead. He wiggled his foot and a paper from his bed fell on the floor. For some reason I was very troubled by this and cried, "Ooooh nooooooo!" It was at this moment the nurse decided I had recovered enough and called someone to wheel me back to my room where I spent the next couple hours winding down alone, though I still felt drugged well into the night.
          I wanted to use the bathroom but the hand IV was still in. If you're not familiar with an IV placed in the hand, it's very annoying and hurts more than the kind placed on the inside of the elbow. Typically, extra IV line is gathered and taped to your hand as well which makes the needle move around less and allows slightly more comfort. This luxury was not performed for me, so I opted to wait until they removed the IV line to go to the bathroom. I didn't really need to go, it's just that except for a robe draped over me, I was still undressed and I wanted to put some clothes on. The doctor said they keep it in for 4 hours after anesthesia in case of emergency. It was finally removed and I went to go to the bathroom. The next paragraph is graphic and honestly a little embarrassing, but I think it's important to share as an important view of French healthcare. Skip the next paragraph if you'd like.
          I get up and notice that they had left me in the mess they created during the colonoscopy. I had thought something felt off but honestly I was so drugged up I couldn't make a good connection. I had received a colonoscopy in the US about 5 years ago and they clean you squeaky clean afterwards. It wasn't until now that I even knew that the nurses in the US did that for me. So here I am, laying in my own waste for 4 hours and it is not contained to just one area. It's all over the lower body and they leave it to the drugged up, uncoordinated patient to clean up in their bathroom sink (there are no showers in the hospital room) with anything they have on hand once they are coherent enough to understand something is amiss. Luckily I had saved my washcloth they had given me that morning. This was disgusting and I am outraged that such a thing happened. I am actually currently fighting off a minor urinary tract infection because of it. I wonder if they do the same for elderly patients who have a hard time cleaning themselves on a normal day?
          The next day the doctor comes in to tell me results. The inflammation and ulcers are confined to the colon, specifically the descending colon and rectum, which indicates ulcerative colitis over Crohn's. The histopathology, however, came back as indefinitive. The samples of the inflamed, ulcerous areas came back as neither Crohn's or ulcerative colitis, but as undefined inflammation. What does this mean? Who knows! The doctor still thinks it is ulcerative colitis, just caught early on. The symptoms are right, it looks like it, so it will be treated as such. I was sent home with a long prescription list and orders of blood work in 2 weeks and every month after for 3 months, and an MRI and check-up in late July.
          Even though the food was horrible and I am very upset over the state they left me in after the colonoscopy, I am very grateful it happened here in France, where a 9 day hospital stay won't have me in debt for the rest of my life like it would in the US. I'm sure it'll still cost a pretty penny, but nothing like the US. This reminds me to ask you to please shop amazon through our affiliate link in the Support Us page. It costs you nothing extra, but gives us a small commission. Thank you!

          Our doctor told us to make sure we get to the ER by 9 am as it gets very busy after that, so we opted to cancel the landlord visit for the water heater to concentrate on my health. Jeremy's boss took the morning off to meet us at the hospital and help translate. Since we still don't have our insurance card, the hospital was going to require us to pay a portion up front and the rest at departure. She told them that we have insurance but the card has not been delivered yet (the first time you apply for health insurance in France, the card takes a very long time to be delivered). We were given a form to fill out and mail back to the hospital proving this, and do not have to pay. Thank goodness!
          The ER was very much like a US ER with lots of waiting and overcrowding. The one substantial difference was the sheer amount of interns. Three interns were the first to see me besides the admitting nurse. They looked at all my paperwork, lab tests, and the note my primary doctor had written detailing my issues. They poked and prodded and listened to practically my whole torso with their stethoscopes. They asked a hundred questions and conferred between one another. This took a couple hours. They eventually decided to refer to their lead doctor. The process was repeated at a faster rate, and she decided the gastro doctor should see me. So basically it took them 3 hours to decide to actually listen to my primary doctor's note requesting the aid of a GI doctor.
          We're waiting around for the GI doctor when Jeremy's boss understandably has to leave. It is now 12 pm after all. We're still waiting when all of a sudden an intern brings in a chair with a bucket attached underneath and says I have to give a stool sample. There are two problems with this; one, I already gave a stool sample two weeks ago and the results were negative and two, my doctor had pumped me up with so much anti-diarrheal medication it was like Fort Knox down there. I was told it doesn't matter and a sample is needed.
          An bit later and we're presented with some more problems; we are being moved to the hallway so instead of having a private room with a private potty chair, I now have to share a communal bathroom with about 15 other people. Furthermore, the collection basin doesn't fit in the toilet but is jammed in there anyway, so when I sit on the toilet my feet are a good 6 inches off the ground and I'm sitting at a high backwards incline. I felt like I was in a roller coaster, riding up to the apex. Can you poop while feeling like you're about to be launched into outer-space? Because I can't. They refused to give me a laxative and refused to let me see the GI doctor until I went. This was going nowhere.
          They finally gave up and I got to see the GI doctor. He listened to my issues and said he was admitting me for a "short week" to run tests. Seven hours after arrival, I'm finally being admitted. Two days and an endoscope later, ulcerative colitis is confirmed. Tentative treatment is begun and I am monitored for another day which brings us to today. I am told that a complete colonoscopy will be performed next week at some point to determine how much of the large intestine has been affected. At this point I am bored out of my mind, missing my pets, my bed, my home "When can I go home?" I ask. The answer is unknown but since my blood levels and temperature have been steady I can, I'm told, go home for the weekend and come back Monday! My room will be held for me in case I feel I need to come back early. I quickly accept and within 3 hours I'm given all my medications and sent on my merry way!
          Inpatient care, as far as an inexperienced person like me can tell, seems to be the same as the US. You are left to your own devices and checked on about 5 times a day. The nurses are very friendly and helpful, but not very quick to answer the call button. Meals and medicine are given on a very consistent schedule, I know exactly what time it is based on when a nurse comes in and what she is doing. Hospital food, however, is horrendous. I long for the hospital food I witnessed last year while visiting my father.
          I am amazed at how long people are kept in hospitals here. I understand ulcerative colitis, while not an immediate life threat, is a serious condition that requires monitoring but in the US unless you are dying or are being administered medication or treatment impossible to give at home, you are generally out that door within 72 hours. On one hand I like the attentiveness but on the other, I feel like it is a bit of a waste. While ulcerative colitis is a painful, serious disease nothing they were doing could not be done in my own home. Either way, I am grateful for the weekend at home and will update once I am out again!

          After 4 months of not having enough hot water for both of us to take a shower and wash dishes in the same day, we will hopefully have some resolution. Due to a combination of Jeremy being a stubborn do-it-yourselfer even when it is past the point where he knows how to do it himself, poor French skills, and how long it takes the French to do things, we didn't get a plumber sent to us until 3 weeks ago.
          He told us we would need a new water heater and we haven't heard anything since. Last week we contacted our agents asking what was up to no response. Then Monday of this week we finally get a response that the landlord is coming over with his plumber at 7:30 am on Wednesday. Gee thanks for the notice. I'm also concerned because if the landlord is anything like our last one from the US, nothing ever gets fixed properly. I couldn't tell if the maintenance men at our old apartment complex were the most incompetent lot ever, or if they were told to do the bare minimum on purpose. The fact that he wants a second opinion from another plumber makes me nervous, on the one hand I understand a new water heater is expensive, but on the other hand if that's what we need, anything else would just be putting a band-aid on a broken bone.
          I'm also concerned about our pets. You see, our landlord doesn't know we have any. When we informed our moving agency we had a dog and a cat, they told us not to mention it during apartment visits because in France while landlords can say 'no pets allowed', if you get one anyway they aren't allowed to do anything. I know other people in the building have pets, but this isn't like America where the whole building or complex is owned by the same person. Each apartment has a different landlord and therefore different rules.
          Speaking of plumbing problems, I've been having some of my own. Without going into too much detail let's just say I've been having some painful, concerning problems for the past month. A stool sample and ultrasound came back normal, so today I went back to my doctor. She said I need to go to a specialist, as she is concerned about it being ulcerative colitis. She wrote a letter for me to give to the gastroenterologist and said she would call to make an appointment for me, as a doctor is more likely to get a closer appointment than if a patient were to call. She really is a caring doctor, we really lucked out!
          Well, she just called back and informed me she called all around the city and everyone is booked for at least 2 months. She is concerned that that is way too long to wait, and wants me to go to the hospital tomorrow and hand them the letter she wrote for the gastroenterologist and hopefully the GI doctor at the hospital will take care of me. I'm very nervous, this is all happening so quickly! Jeremy will take off tomorrow and he is also thinking of asking a friend to come with us so nothing gets lost in translation. It will be very embarrassing for me to tell a friend all the intimate details, but I understand it is for the best. I am fasting tonight just in case! I have a very busy day ahead of me tomorrow!